You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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