the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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