i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
