last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
