i just made my gag reflex go away.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
