my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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