i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
