he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
