he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
