just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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