shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I seem to have left my pride at pride
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
