that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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