We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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