how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
