My underwear smells like fireworks.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
