why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
