Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
