Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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