Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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