Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
