Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
