Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I could make wine with my vomit
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
