she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I party with great urgency now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
