So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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