We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
