After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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