I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
