i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
