I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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