ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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