I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've blown a few things in my day
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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