guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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