that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
