Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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