Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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