its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
