I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
3pm strippers are depressing
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
