why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
