I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
