Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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