Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
