I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
