Your face is a jimmy john
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
