Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
