i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
