After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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