i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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