remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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