And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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