I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
